he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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