Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize