It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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