He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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