walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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