i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
