we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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