If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
