She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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