He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
