And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
