This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
