my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
