K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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