There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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