You were right. It hurts to walk today.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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