My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
