Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Randomize
