Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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