I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
