You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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