He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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