I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize