Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
