found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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