what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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