Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
