I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
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Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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