Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No subtext here. People are naked.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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