mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
