i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
