my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
