Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
