so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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