Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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