haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?