i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
