that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND