I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret