if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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