is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.