I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
