i barfeds in our rink
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.