Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.