I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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