Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
