I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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