I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
