Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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