They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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