Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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