Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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