i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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