Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
