I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
