well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
