What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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