Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
