Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.