Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
