grandma shit on top of the toilet
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.