Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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