I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
