mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
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Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
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You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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