where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
