Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
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Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
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We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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