my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
