I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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