Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize