as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
