You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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