I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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