Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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