so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I pour the whiskey from now on
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
