i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
