You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
