I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
