She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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