There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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