I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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