I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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