I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
