Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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