where am i from again
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
