so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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