It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So vagazzling was a success
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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