I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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