Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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